Hogwarts: The Musical
by Kudostalker
Summary: What happens when a strange spell is cast over the entirety of Hogwarts? Randomness ensues. And Hogwarts will never be the same again... Let's just hope they can keep on key... It's AU.
1. Prologue

**Harry Potter the Musical**

Kiritsu: Shinju and I are writing this together.  
Shinju: Yeah… I do the lyrics and poetry… you do all the difficult stuff. **:D**  
Kiritsu: I'm writing the rest…what leads up to the songs, what happens afterward, etc. Just so you know, italics is certain action stuff. So, Shinju, you gonna do the disclaimer?  
Shinju: _blinks_ Disclaimer? What's that? (Dumb blond moment)  
Kiritsu: You don't…this time. Next chapter you have to say it.  
Shinju: _blinking again_ Ok…  
Kiritsu: We do not own the characters of which we speak other than Kiritsu and Shinju…if we did, after reading the 6th book I would've killed off Snape in as slow and painful a way as possible. And made Harry and Draco get together…but that's a different story. On to the musical.  
Shinju: Well they do make a rather cute couple.  
Kiritsu: True… But we do need to get onto the Musical…  
Shinju: Awww… Why? This is so much fun!  
Kiritsu: But people want to read the musical.  
Shinju: Funny… I thought they were here to listen to me.  
Kiritsu: No, Shinju, they aren't here for your insane ranting.  
Shinju: Awwww... Fine... Onto the musical then.

The stage is lit for a magical scene  
It could have taken place  
In a whimsical dream  
A dream of uniting  
Old friends and old foes  
A plan for discussing  
Old hopes and old woes  
A plan that has failed  
To come to true light  
A plan that has caused  
The show here this night  
The spell that was cast  
On the castle was strong  
It lasted for 1 day  
And then seven more  
The spell called for singing  
The spell called for light  
It called for the living  
And dead to unite  
And so now we call  
The Hogwarts we know  
To come to the stage  
And put on a good show  
Shinju M. Genesis

**Prologue**

Two girls walk over towards Hogwarts. One is slightly taller than the other, with long so-dark-brown-it-is-almost-black hair, brown eyes, and slightly tanned skin. She is wearing a pair of blue jeans and a black t-shirt. The other girl has long light brown hair, blue eyes, glasses, and pale skin. She's wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a blue sweatshirt.Girl one: You know, Shinju, sometimes it can get pretty boring for these kids, having to be in lessons all day…you think we should do something about it? Shinju looks up at Hogwarts.  
Shinju: You know, Kiritsu, I think we should.  
They look at each other and break into evil grins.  
Kiritsu: Well then, I guess we should start planning.  
Shinju: Who needs planning? I know what we'll do. We just need to wait until tonight to do it so we won't be seen…get down here, I'll tell you.  
Kiritsu leans down so that Shinju can whisper in her ear. After a minute…  
Kiritsu: Oh, that would be PERFECT! They'll never know what hit them.  
They walk off, giggling, and thinking about what havoc their spell will bring about to the students and staff at Hogwarts.  
That night…  
It was an unusually windy night when the mysteries figures approached the castle. They seemed very intent on what they were doing and paid little heed to anything else. They walked around the school seven times and repeated a spell. Even if anyone had seen this they could not have know what the spell was going to cause. Nor would they see any marks that could prove that the spell did indeed exist. Then just as mysteriously as they approached they departed, leaving no mark to acknowledge their presence.  
The Darkness was their only witness.

Kiritsu-...Well, that's one chapter up. Please review, Shinju and I would like to know what you think of our story.  
#K-_bounces up and down_Yeahyeah! Rategoodrategood!  
Kiritsu-This is what happens when Shinju gets ahold of caffine...


	2. Chapter 1 A Very Hogwarts Welcome

Shinju- Ummmm yeah. I guess it's my turn to do the disclaimer.  
Kiritsu- Yep.I did it last time.  
Shinju- Basically all I have to say is that none of the characters except Kiritsu and Shinju belong to us. The original songs and lyrics to not belong to us either.  
So please enjoy this.

It was the first day at Hogwarts, and in every house. Not a house elf was stirring… Wait… that's not the story is it?  
Well ok. It WAS the first day at Hogwarts, all the little first years being sorted and all the normal warnings from Dumbledore. Then they were introduced to the new professor Shinju, who looked like she could have been a first year too, although she was rumored to be a sixteen year old genius who had graduated Hogwarts early due to strange circumstances.  
The feast passed rather uneventfully and then Dumbledore gave his speech.  
"As you all should know this year will be different. We have the new Music in Magic schools program and everyone, including staff, are required to sing… So let us begin"

_Music Starts_

**Female:  
**(Ravenclaw) It's time to perform magic!  
(Hufflepuffs) It's time to light the wands!  
(All houses) It's time to meet the Students In the Hogwarts Show tonight.

**Male:  
**(Gryffindors) It's time to Drink the potions!  
(Slytherins except Malfoy, Crabbe, & Goyle) It's time to start some fights!  
(All) It's time to raise the curtain on the Hogwarts Show tonight!

**Malfoy: **Why do we always come here?  
**Goyle: **I guess we'll never know.  
**Crabbe: **It's like a kind of torture...  
**All: **To have to watch the show!

**(Brief Interlude - from Magical Orchestra)**

**Ron & Hermione: **And now let's get things started...

**Muggle Audiance: **Why don't you get things started!

**Harry: **It's time to get things started...

**Gryffindors: **...on the most sensational inspirational celebrational HOGWARTSTATIONAL...  
This is what we call the Hogwarts Show!

(Neville attempts to finish his potion. It explodes.)

Then the students walk off to their houses. None of them seem to realize that they just randomly burst out into song. Only Snape seems to see that something is odd. Dumbledore seems to enjoy it.

Snape: _Why did we all just randomly burst into song? No matter, must just be a one time spell that Dumbledore did. I had best go to my office. Potions with Gryffindors & Slytherins is first.  
_And Snape walks of to go to his office.

Dumbledore gets up and walks over to Shinju. "May I see you in my office please."

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I have to work on Kiritsu's private lessons." Shinju smiles and walks away.

Dumbledore: _I knew it. They never could resist a practical joke, especially one like this. No matter, it isn't going to hurt anyone to have a little more music in their lives._

Shinju-I hope that you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. Please Rate and Review. What do you think of my parodies?


	3. Chapter 2 Snape's Lament

Shinju- Welcome to another chapter of the most random story on Earth! You are welcomed by Shinju M. Genesis! The most Random person on earth!  
Just remember that the songs and character except for Shinju & Kiritsu don't belong to us.  
Kiritsu- The plot belongs to us too. Don't forget that

Enjoy!

Chapter 2 - Snape's Lament

Snape was sitting in his office contemplating the benefits if being a death eater and the potion that they would be doing in his next class. He was sure that potter was going to fail. That thought pleased him. Failing potter was his favorite hobby. He smiled at that thought; the dark lord would be pleased with him. Not only was he a spy in Hogwarts, but he was also failing that despised Potter boy. This is the life he thought. It may not be the easy rout all the time, but I love being mean.  
And then suddenly the urge came upon him to sing. He could hear the opening cord. He gripped his wand to use for a mike, took a deep breath, and sang.

"It's Not Easy Bein' mean  
Having to spend each day with hair, that don't seem clean  
When I think it would look nicer if died green or silver or both  
Or something much more Slytherin like that!

It's Not Easy Bein' mean  
It seems you get blamed for many unordinary things  
And people tend to pass you over cuz' your not  
Standing out like Harry Potter in Quiddich  
Or the Dark Mark in the Sky

But Mean's the trait of Slytherin  
And mean can be cold and dreadful-like  
And mean can be POWERFUL  
Or important like VOLDERMORT  
And it's good for me

When mean is all there is to be  
It makes people wonder why  
But why wonder? Why wonder?  
I am mean and it is fine  
IT'S WONDERFUL!  
(quieter)  
And I know it's what I want to be"

And then all of a sudden it was quiet. He couldn't understand how that had happened. How could he admit such a thing inside of HOGWARTS? And then he heard the voices in the hall. A group of girls was _singing_ today's gossip.  
It must be a spell he realized, and a powerful one at that to have spread over the whole school. He was going to have to catch the culprit. It was probably that Potter boy or one of the Weasleys.  
With the delightful thought in his head of catching Potter for the crime and giving him detention for the rest of his life, he went to get cleaned up and ready for his class.

Shinju prowled the hallways marveling at how their ingenious spell was working. True Malfoy was still off-key in his rehearsals, but the others were quite marvelous. She hurried to get to potions. Snape had returned to the Position of Potions maser and was about to have the best day ever… Well not for him… But for her, yeah.  
She saw Snape hurrying to get to his classroom. Luck her, she was early. "Severus! Minerva and the others want to see you immediately." She said covering a giggle. Professor Snape's normally dank greasy hair was an exuberant shade of lime green.  
"They know very well Miss Genesis that I can not meet them right now." He sneered. "And must I remind you to call me _Professor Snape_."  
"No Severus, no need to say that. You know all the professors are on a first name basis, and I just happen to be a Professor."  
"Really, and what subject would you be?"  
"Chorus, I have taken over all the singing lessons in this school. And you _Severus_ have missed more then any other staff member."  
"That's an intriguing story that would be best told to Dumbledore."  
"No, he's been very prompt to his lessons. Speaking of which, weren't you in a hurry?"  
Snape simply turned with no response and stalked down the hallway to his classroom, his cloak billowing behind him. Shinju followed giggling all the way as Snape's mood grew more and more unpleasant.  
When he entered his classroom there were many hushed gasps, pointed stairs, and gigglers. Apparently the students had, unlike Snape, noticed his exotic new hair color. Snape glared around at all the gigglers. And they quickly silenced.  
Then Hermione timidly raised her hand. "Sir."  
"Yes, Miss Granger." He snapped.  
"Sir your hair… It's green."  
"WHAT?" shouted Snape as he turned to face the newly opened door.  
Minerva walked into the room. "Severus!" She exclaimed. "What happened to your hair? Have you lost your mind?"  
Snape just stood there. Then he snapped "Potter, this is your work isn't it?"  
"No sir. I believe it was Moony."  
"What!" Snape stood there dumbfounded as he was gripped by the sudden insatiable urge to break into song. And then it happened again. He opened his mouth unable to stop it as the song broke forth.

"Oh Everybody  
How was I supposed to know?  
That my hair wasn't right yeah  
Oh everybody  
You shouldn't have let me go  
They said I was a sight, yeah  
Show me how it looks, let me see  
Tell me Minnie, cuz' I need to know now!  
Oh because!

The suspense is killing me (And I!)  
I must confess I don't believe! (Don't believe!)  
That I had not gone and lost my mind!  
Give me a sign!  
I don't think my hair is fine!

Oh everybody  
How was I supposed to know?  
Oh everybody  
I shouldn't have shampooed so!  
I must confess! That my Greasyness!  
Was killing me SOOOO!  
Don't you know I won't believe  
That I had my mind  
My hair makes me blind  
I don't want to be seen this time!

My greasyness was killing me (US TOO!)  
Well I must say who really cares! (ABOUT YOU)  
When I washed my hair I lost my mind!  
Now it makes me blind!

DON'T YOU SAY THAT IT LOOKS FINE!" He gasped for breath after this last line due to his energetic dance moves and singing. And then he stormed out of the class cursing the person who did this to him.

_(in his head) When I catch the confounded person who cast that musical spell I'll KILL THEM! And the blasted punk who dared to mess with my hair!_

**_Just a note: The Students did the backup… And that includes the slightly off-key Draco Malfoy_**

****

Shinju-Ok, another chapter done. All thanks to me.  
Kiritsu-Please review  
Shinju-I hope that you enjoy my lyrics... Um and don't kill me because I torture Sevvie.  
#K-RatingGOOD!  
Shinju-Well listen to my alter ego #K She's right!


	4. Chapter 3 Achievements

AN: This is dedicated to **simply obsessed **my only reviewer on this fic…. Because of you I will continue… I hope you enjoy this! Shinju

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter characters. If I did there would be an angry mob of fans trying to kill me now wouldn't there. Also I did not parody for Dumbledore. That's a real song that fit him and I couldn't bear changing it. The last son however is my slight parody. The original songs and lyrics don't belong to me. The only thing I own is the plot… although that seems nonexistent in most of my stories doesn't it….  
Shinju

* * *

**Chapter 3: Achievments**

The rest of the day was rather uneventful. Except for Dumbledore's surprise announcement that there was a new exchange student. Her name was Bethany LeNoir and she bothered Harry for some reason. She gave him this really creepy look and had the initials B.L… Maybe there was a reason he should worry…

For her sorting the hat was brought out again, but instead of singing itself it requested that Dumbledore sing something.

Dumbledore was shocked. At first nothing came to his mind, but then he felt the spell take hold and just opened his mouth hoping that whatever came out would sound ok. And so he started…

_Come with me and you'll be  
In a world of pure imagination  
Take a look and you'll see  
Into your imagination_

_We'll begin with a spin  
Trav'ling in the world of my creation  
What we'll see will defy  
Explanation_

_If you want to view paradise  
Simply look around and view it  
Anything you want to, do it  
Want to change the world, there's nothing to it_

_There is no life I know  
To compare with pure imagination  
Living there, you'll be free  
If you truly wish to be_

_If you want to view paradise  
Simply look around and view it  
Anything you want to, do it  
Want to change the world, there's nothing to it_

_There is no life I know  
To compare with pure imagination  
Living there, you'll be free  
If you truly wish to be_

Dumbledore's song ended and was greeted with tremendous applause. Then the hat was placed on the head of Bethany LeNoir. The hat had barely touched her head when it shouted "SLYTHERIN!"

Now Harry was even more worried... not only was she B.L. She was Slytherin. The enemy just like the other B.L and Voldemort. There was nothing to be done about it though. Dumbledore couldn't expel a student based on initials… This was NOT going to be a good year. He could just tell it could only get more messed up.

* * *

Harry was feeling a little better the next day. That was until he left the Great Hall to head to potions. The strange singing still hadn't let up, but most of the students were ok. Then horror of horrors he turned a corner to see Malfoy and his goonies.

They were about to sing to. Harry flinched prepared for the off key commercial renditions that usually followed this. Then he heard something he never expected. THEY SANG WELL!

**Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me (Crabbe)  
**_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed (Goyle)  
**He was lookin' kinda dumb  
With his finger and his thumb  
In the shape of an L on his forehead!(Crabbe & Goyle & Malfoy)**_

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming (Malfoy)  
Don't bend to the rules and I hit the ground running  
Didn't make sense not to live for fun!  
My brain gets smart, **_But our heads get dumb!  
_**So much to do! So much to see!  
So what's wrong with beating Potter and Weasly!  
**You never know if you don't go.  
**_You never shine if you don't glow._

Hey now I'm an all star!  
_Get your wand out to-DAY!  
_Hey now I'm a Rock star!  
**Go fight Potter to-DAY!  
**ALL that glitters is GOLD!  
**_Fighting Potter Boy won't get OLD_**

It's a cool place  
_And it only gets colder  
_You think it's nice now?  
**Wait till he gets older  
**But I think my father will differ  
**_Judging from his new Azkaban prison picture_**

The disguise we wear  
_Is getting pretty thin  
_When it's time to go  
**It will be sink or swim  
**My world's on fire  
How bout' yours  
**_That's the way you like it  
So we never get bored_**

Hey now I'm an all star!  
_Get your wand out to-DAY!  
_Hey now I'm a Rock star!  
**Go fight Potter to-DAY!  
**ALL that glitters is GOLD!  
**_Fighting Potter Boy won't get OLD_**

Hey now I'm an all star!  
_Get your wand out to-DAY!  
_Hey now I'm a Rock star!  
**Go fight Potter to-DAY!  
**ALL that glitters is GOLD!  
**_Fighting Potter Boy_**

Somebody once asked if I knew a spell for laughs  
**_He had to get himself away from your face.  
_**I said No, but he wouldn't go  
**So, his face became a mashed potato  
**_And we all laughed at it for a change!_

Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming (Malfoy)  
Don't bend to the rules and I hit the ground running  
Didn't make sense not to live for fun!  
My brain gets smart, **_But our heads get dumb!  
_**So much to do! So much to see!  
So what's wrong with beating Potter and Weasly!  
**You never know if you don't go.  
**_You never shine if you don't glow._

Hey now I'm an all star!  
_Get your wand out to-DAY!  
_Hey now I'm a Rock star!  
**Go fight Potter to-DAY!  
**ALL that glitters is GOLD!  
**_Fighting Potter Boy won't get OLD_**

And ALL that glitters is GOLD!  
**_Fighting Potter Boy won't get OLD_**

* * *

AN: I hope that you like this! Cuz' I am writing this for my one reviewer… whom I want to hug because they make me happy. 


	5. Chapter 4 Discoveries of Horror

**_Again I dedicate this to my reviewers…. For them this story has life._**

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter characters. If I did there would be an angry mob of fans trying to kill me now wouldn't there. Also I did not parody for Dumbledore. That's a real song that fit him and I couldn't bear changing it. The last son however is my slight parody. The original songs and lyrics don't belong to me. The only thing I own is the plot… although that seems nonexistent in most of my stories doesn't it….

Shinju

* * *

**Chapter 4: Discoveries of Horror…**

Harry ran as far as he could from the trio singing in the hallway. He was absolutely horrified and probably scarred for life. The goons could actually do something! It was too frightening a thought!

'And!' Harry suddenly thought with horror. 'WHAT IF VOLDMORT SANG!' his eyes went wide as he suddenly had the urge to sing… and what in the hell? He could see Voldemort and the Riddle house! But THAT COULDN'T BE IN HOGWARTS! Then it hit Harry like a raging hippogryph… He was doing a duet… with VOLDMORT!

Voldemort was having a good day…. That was until he started seeing Potter and Hogwarts in his house. At least Potter looked equally as horrified. Then he got an urge he had sworn he would never get… The urge to SING and so he started….

_Someday out of the blue  
__In a crowded street or a deserted square  
__I'll turn and I'll find you  
__As if my hate was new  
__Someday I will try again  
__Someday soon.(Voldie)_

**Here comes the night  
****Here come the memories!  
****Of our last fight  
****Down in the forign fields  
****NOT SO LONG AGO (Harry)  
**_Feels like eternity  
_**The prophecy's words  
****Won't capture me**

**Some day out of the blue  
**_In a crowded street or a deserted square  
_**I'll turn and I'll see you  
**_**As if my hate was new  
**__**Someday we will fight again  
**__**Someday soon.**_

**I still believe  
**_I still have faith in us (Voldie to death eaters)  
__**We'll risk it all  
**__**His life will slip away!  
**__**Where are you now!  
**_**I'll kill you!** _IN YOUR DREAMS!  
__**Those dark fighting scenes  
**__**Still capture me.**_

**Some day out of the blue  
**_Maybe years from now or tomorrow night  
_**I'll turn and I'll see you  
**_As if my hate was new  
__**Someday we will fight again  
**__**Someday soon.**_

**I still believe  
**_I still have faith in ME_

_**Here comes the night  
**__**Here come the memories!  
**__**Of our last fight  
**__**Down in the forign fields  
**_**NOT SO LONG AGO  
**_Feels like eternity  
__The Young Potter Brat  
__Can not kill me_

**Some day out of the blue  
**_Maybe years from now or tomorrow night  
_**I'll turn and I'll see you  
**_As if my hate was new  
__**Someday we will fight again  
**__**Someday soon.**_

_**Someday out of the blue  
**__**In a crowded street or a deserted square  
**__**I'll turn and I'll find you  
**__**As if my hate was new  
**__**Someday I will try again  
**__**Someday soon.**_

**I still believe  
**_I still have faith in me_

And with that the visions faded and they were left alone. Now Harry was sure he was scarred for life. There couldn't possible be anything worse could there? Little could he know what was to come before this day of Horrors would end!

Harry, sighing with relief, began the walk back to Gryffindor tower when he heard a voice. And if he wasn't much mistaken it was Bethany LeNoir…. And wait just one minute… was that a rather hoarse Voldemort she was talking to… no it couldn't be… He peeked into the room… OH MY GOD! Thought Harry. IT IS A RATHER HOARSE VOLDEMORT SHE'S TALKING TO!

This was the conversation he heard…

_V: BELLA! I NEED AN EXPLANATION IMMEDIATELY! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!  
_B: I don't know milord. It seems to be on everyone.  
_V: Oh DAMN IT! WE HAVE A SPY!  
_B: WHAT?  
It was then that Harry found himself roughly pulled into the room.  
_V: Potter_

That was the last thing Voldemort said before Bellatrix Lestrange, for that was indeed the true identity of Bethany LeNoir, began to sing to Voldemort about her lament for him….

Bella (Spoken) This is dedicated to my Lord

At first I was afraid, I was petrified  
Kept thinkin' I could never live If my Dark Lord had died  
Then I spent so many nights thinking how they did you wrong  
And I grew strong  
And I searched for you all along

And so you're back from outer space  
I just escaped to find you here, to look at your majestic face!  
I should have broken out sooner  
I should have helped you come back to be  
The greatest dark lord ever! And to help you get Harry!

And now I'll go, on out the door  
I'll kill that Muggle  
Who tried to listen at your door  
Wasn't I the one who searched to find you to revive  
Did you know I'd fail?  
Did you think I'd lay down and die!

Oh no not I, I will survive!  
For as long as I serve you my lord I know I'll never die  
I have you for whom to live  
And all my loyalty to give!  
I'll survive!  
I will SURVIVE!  
HEY HEY!

(I, I will survive)  
Hey hey  
(I, I will survive)  
Every day  
(I, I will survive)  
Oh yeah

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart  
Just trying to find my Dark Lord with all my heart  
And then I spent so many nights stuck in Azkaban  
To you I never lie! Because I don't hold my head high

And I see you! Revived Anew!  
I hope you realize my Dark Lord I am Loyal just to you!  
And now you have come back so I broke free  
And now I'm saying that my loyalty to you will always be

And now I'll go, on out the door  
I'll kill that muggle  
Who tried to listen at your door  
Wasn't I the one who searched to find you to revive  
Did you know I'd fail?  
Did you think I'd lay down and die!

Oh no not I, I will survive!  
For as long as I serve you my lord I know I'll never die  
I have you for whom to live  
And all my loyalty to give!  
I'll survive!  
I will SURVIVE!  
HEY HEY!

And now I'll go, on out the door  
I'll kill that muggle  
Who tried to listen at your door  
Wasn't I the one who searched to find you to revive  
Did you know I'd fail?  
Did you think I'd lay down and die!

Oh no not I, I will survive!  
For as long as I serve you my lord I know I'll never die  
I have you for whom to live  
And all my loyalty to give!  
I will survive!  
I will SURVIVE!  
HEY HEY!

(I, I will survive)  
Hey  
(I, I will survive)  
Every day  
(I, I will survive)  
Yeah yeah  
(I, I will survive)  
Oh  
(I, I will survive)  
I will survive  
(I, I will survive)

(I, I will survive)  
I've got all my love to give  
(I, I will survive)  
I've got all my life to live  
(I, I will survive)  
My loyalty is not in vain, oh no  
(I, I will survive)  
I will survive  
(I, I will survive)  
I will survive  
(I, I will survive)  
Hey

With the last notes Harry promptly ran for his dormitory just escaping a raging Voldemort and then passed out on his bed. There was now no doubt at all that Harry was scarred for life as his friends watched him twitch in his unconscious state.

* * *

AN: Poor Harry… I couldn't help it! HE JUST SET HIMSELF UP FOR THAT!


	6. Chapter 5 Hogwarts A Halloween!

**Disclaimer: They- they- they.. :sniffel: THEY AREN'T MINE:runs off crying.**

**AN: This chapter is dedicated to Icefaerie2 and Procrastinater. Thanks for the reminder in the stuff Procrastinater! I will get to them as soon as possible... Perhaps in the next chapter… Who knows? And now onto the show!**

**In Honor of Halloween I present to you!  
**

* * *

_**HOGWARTS A HALLOWEEN!**_

The next few months went rather uneventfully. Quidditch games had been canceled due to some rather bad storms, but should resume soon. Now it was Halloween and all the students were high on anticipation of Dumbledore's "surprise" That he had announced last night.  
So now as the students, minus one Harry Potter who was still in the Hospital Wing in shock, filed into the great hall with a great deal of noise.  
They noticed that Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen though. So how were they going to get their surprise?  
As if in answer to the silent question Music Professor Shinju M. Genesis stood up to make an announcement.  
"Quiet please!" She said. The hall quieted quickly as everyone knew about her pranks on disobedient students. "Dumbledore has informed me that the surprise is a day of Halloween partying! There will be no classes and there will be surprise entertainment all day!"  
"Why isn't Dumbledore here to tell us?" Asked Hermione.  
"Well…" said professor Shinju "He's a little _tied up_ at the moment." She said thinking of Dumbledore who was indeed tied up in his office having gotten rather tangled in his mummy costume, courtesy of a sneaky and rather pissed off Shinju. She was GOING to have this day whether dear old Dumbles liked it or not!

* * *

So the students started to party, although they feared the 'surprise entertainment'. And they had every right to. It wasn't very long before the 'entertainment' started. It was none other then the ill Harry that ran in, followed by a worried Madame Pomfrey, and began to sing, while looking pointedly at Draco and the other Slytherins.

They're creepy and their kooky  
Mysterious and spooky  
They're altogether ooky  
DeathEater Family

They live where you can't see um  
They make everyone scream-um  
I wouldn't want to be um  
Deatheater Family

Find a broom and get on  
Get invisible and come on  
They said we've gotta spy on  
The Deatheater Family!

By the end of the song the entire hall, minus Slytherins were singing. It was rather quiet after that… or rather I would like to say it was. In fact it wasn't because after then Harry began to laugh maniacally and sang…

Remember last year on that day  
When I got on my knees  
And begged you not to leave me  
'Cause I'd go berserk?  
Well. . .

You left me anyhow  
And then the days got worse and worse  
And now you see I've gone  
Completely out of my mind  
And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA  
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA  
To the funny farm  
Where life is beautiful all the time  
And I'll be happy to see  
Those nice, young men  
In their clean, white coats  
And they're coming to take me away, _Ha-haaa!_

You thought it was a joke  
And so you laughed  
You laughed when I had said  
That leaving me there would make me flip my lid  
Right. . .

You know you laughed, I heard you laugh  
You laughed, you laughed and laughed  
And then you left  
But now you know I'm utterly mad!  
And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA  
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA  
To the happy home  
With trees and flowers and chirping birds  
And basket weavers who sit and smile  
And twiddle their thumbs and toes  
And they're coming to take me away, _Ha-haaa!_

I cooked their food  
I cleaned their house  
Is this just how you pay me back  
For all my kind, unselfish loving deeds!  
Hah. . .

Well you just wait  
I'll find you yet  
And when I do I'll  
Put you in Azakaben, you stupid man!  
And. . .

They're coming to take me away, HA HA  
They're coming to take me away, HO HO HEE HEE HA HA  
To the funny farm  
Where life is beautiful all the time  
And I'll be happy to see  
Those nice, young men  
In their clean, white coats  
And they're coming to take me away, _Ha-haaa!_

To the happy home  
With trees and flowers and chirping birds  
And basket weavers who sit and smile  
And twiddle their thumbs and toes  
And they're coming to take me away, _Ha-haaa!_

To the funny farm  
Where life is beautiful all the time  
And I'll be happy to see  
Those nice, young men  
In their clean, white coats  
And they're coming to take me away, _Ha-haaa_

It was only then that Madam Pomfrey managed to get a calming potion to Harry and drag him back to the Hospital wing. The remaining 2 of the golden trio were left to watch helplessly as their friend was committed to Saint Mungo's that day.

* * *

The students were all rather shaken by these events when Dumbledore finally arrived. He was still rather tied up in his mummy costume, but he was quickly changing that. Unfortunately it could not be entirely removed he was left covered in bandages. And as his anger increased they turned a rather lovely shade of purple.  
Unfortunately Dumbledore could do nothing about the events taking place. There was another unfortunate side effect… Dumbledore developed a very low stage of magical Alzheimer's disease that is irreversible. Unfortunatly this was not discovered until the bandages were removed.  
And so the day's entertainment proceeded without much interruption. As soon as Pomfrey escorted Dumbledore out of the hall professor Lupin walked in, closely followed by Professor Snape. Snape pointed to Lupin who was hurry around with a parcel of books and began to sing.

I saw a werewolf with a Hogwarts schoolbook in his hand  
Walkin' through the halls of Hogwarts to avoid rain  
He was lookin' for a student called Lee Jordan,  
Gonna get 'im to announce the next Quidditch game.

Aaahoo, werewolf of Hogwarts  
Aaahoo  
Aaahoo, werewolf of Hogwarts  
Aaahoo

Ya hear him teaching through the classroom door, ya better not straggle in.  
Hermione Granger saw the werewolf in his office last night, Lupin was sleeping again.

Aaahoo, werewolf of Hogwarts  
Aaahoo  
Aaahoo, werewolf of Hogwarts  
Aaahoo

He's the really friendly man, who does all that he can.  
To make sure that you can defend against the Dark Arts.  
You better listen to him; he'll give you detention Jim.  
Huh, he won't let Harry fail.

Aaahoo, werewolf of Hogwarts  
Aaahoo  
Aaahoo, werewolf of Hogwarts  
Aaahoo

Well, I saw Lupin walkin with the Headmaster; he's the werewolf of Hogwarts.  
I saw Malfoy Jr. walkin with the Headmaster, trying to fire the werewolf of Hogwarts  
I saw a werewolf drinkin Pumpkin juice in the Great Hall  
And his hair wasn't perfect.

ahhhooooo, werewolf of Hogwarts  
Draw wands  
ahhhooooo, werewolf of Hogwarts

Snape was shocked after he finished when he realized that he had actually complemented his rival Lupin. So he ran screaming out of the Hall. And so it appears that we have yet another member of the Hogwarts Family who is scarred for life… or maybe not?  
It was at that moment that a Halloween Miracle occurred. When Severus Snape was brought to St. Mungo's Harry was cured. Why do you ask? Because his detested professor was reduced to a baby. So Harry was cured! (AN: Ok… There was a memory charm in there but that doesn't matter now does it?)  
It was rather late by that point and suddenly the Slytherins all grouped together forcing all other houses to the sides of the Hall. And then the music started…. And Amazingly Professor Shinju Herself came in and began to sing.

I was working in the Hall Late one night  
When my eyes beheld the strangest site  
When the Slytherins from their dorms began to arise  
And suddenly to my surprise

They did the mash  
They did the Slytherin mash  
The Slytherin mash  
It was a Hogwarts smash  
They did the mash  
It caught on with a flash  
They did the mash  
It was a monster mash

From my Hidden Office in the castle east  
To the master bedroom where Dumbledore sleeps  
The girls all came from their humble abodes  
To see Slytherins dancing and step on their toes

They did the mash  
They did the Slytherin mash  
The Slytherin mash  
It was a Hogwarts smash  
They did the mash  
It caught on with a flash  
They did the mash  
It was a monster mash

The Slytherins were having fun  
The party had just begun  
The guests included Lupin  
Lucius and his son

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds  
Hagrid on chains, backed by some baying hounds  
The Hogwarts Musicians were about to arrive  
With their vocal group, "The Hufflepuff Five"

They played the mash  
They played the Slytherin mash  
The Slytherin mash  
It was a Hogwarts smash  
They played the mash  
It caught on with a flash  
They played the mash  
It was a monster mash

Out from his dorm room, Draco's voice did ring  
Seems he was troubled by just one thing  
He opened the door and shook his fist  
And said, "Whatever happened to my Malfoyian twist?"

It's now the mash  
It's now the Slytherin mash  
The Slytherin mash  
And it's a Hogwarts smash  
It's now the mash  
It's caught on in a flash  
It's now the mash  
And it's a monster mash

Now everything's cool, Draco's part of the band  
And The Slytherin mash is the hit of the land  
For you, the others, this mash was meant too  
When you get to the door, tell them Shinju sent you

Then you can mash  
Then you can Slytherin mash  
The Slytherin mash  
And do my Hogwarts smash  
Then you can mash  
You'll catch on in a flash  
Then you can mash  
Then you can Slytherin mash

Then when the Song had ended Shinju announced that it was time for the students to bed... They all worried what would happen tomorrow…

* * *

**AN: And that is the end the Halloween Special. I hope you enjoy it.  
Just another thing I should mention. There will probally be other Holliday specials for Christmas and such! So give me any ideas you might have.**


	7. Chapter 6 Procrastinater

**_An: This chapter is dedicated to Procrastinater without who it would never have happened._**

_Disclaimer: They aren't mine…. **:Runs off crying:** (Wails) NONE OF THEM ARE!

* * *

Chapter 5 Procrastinater_

It was two days after Halloween and they had been informed last night that Quidditch could be resumed because the weather was back to normal. It was 8am in the Slytherin dorms and Draco had just woken up and he was all alone when he began to sing…

I'm so ronery. So ronery. So  
ronery and sadry arone. Dere's  
no one, just me onry, sitting on  
my rittle throne.

I wook rearry hard and make up  
great plans. But nobody  
listens, no one understands...  
Seems that no one takes me  
SER-RI-ROUS-REEEEEEEEE...  
And so... I'm rone-ry... A rittle  
rone-ry... Poor rittle me.

Dere's nobody I can rerate to.  
Feel rike a bird in a cage. It's  
kind of sirry...But not rearry...  
Because it's firring my body  
with rage!

I 'm the smartest most clever,  
most physically fit but nobody  
seems to rearize it.

When I change the world maybe  
they'll notice meeeeeeeeee---  
until then I'll just be  
lonely...poor little me...  
I'm so rone-ryyyyyy.

Just after Draco sang the last line Pansy Parkinson walked in to get him. So he said, with that perverted little smirk of his, "Not anymore."

* * *

Harry sighed… First thing today was Double potions… oh joy of joys he thought sarcastically. Merlin this was awful he was going to have to see Malfoy and Snape first thing… and it had been such a good morning before that.  
Even though he despised every moment of it he arrived promptly to class and began his work diligently… amazingly avoiding any accidents. Unfortunately, this not so bad day couldn't last. As Neville melted his cauldron just as Snape, Ahem, I mean, PROFESSOR Snape, was walking by.  
Therefore it went all over the evil dour potion master _who must be offered a lemon drop_. The whole room went silent as Snape changed to resemble none other then Michael Jackson. Harry noted that Draco shuddered **visibly** at this, but that was nothing compared to his reaction when gasp Snape began to sing! _(AN: AGAIN! evil grin)_

It's Close To Midnight And Something Evil's Lurking In The Dark  
Under The Moonlight You See A Sight That Almost Stops Your Heart  
You Try To Scream But Terror Takes The Sound Before You Make It  
You Start To Freeze As Horror Looks You Right Between The Eyes,  
You're Paralyzed

'Cause This Is Thriller, Thriller Night  
And No One's Gonna Save You From The Beast About  
Strike  
You Know It's Thriller, Thriller Night  
You're Fighting For Your Life Inside A Killer, Thriller  
Tonight

You Hear The Door Slam And Realize There's Nowhere Left To Run  
You Feel The Cold Hand And Wonder If You'll Ever See The Sun  
You Close Your Eyes And Hope That This Is Just Imagination  
But All The While You Hear The Creature Creepin' Up Behind  
You're Out Of Time

'Cause This Is Thriller, Thriller Night  
There Ain't No Second Chance Against The Thing With  
Forty Eyes  
You Know It's Thriller, Thriller Night  
You're Fighting For Your Life Inside Of Killer, Thriller Tonight

Night Creatures Call  
And The Dead Start To Walk In Their Masquerade  
There's No Escapin' The Jaws Of The Alien This Time  
(They're Open Wide)  
This Is The End Of Your Life

They're Out To Get You, There's Demons Closing In On Every Side  
They Will Possess You Unless You Change The Number On Your Dial  
Now Is The Time For You And I To Cuddle Close Together  
All Thru The Night I'll Save You From The Terror On The Screen,  
I'll Make You See

That This Is Thriller, Thriller Night  
'Cause I Can Thrill You More Than Any Ghost Would Dare To Try  
Girl, This Is Thriller, Thriller Night  
So Let Me Hold You Tight And Share A Killer, Diller, Chiller  
Thriller Here Tonight

**Rap  
**Darkness Falls Across The Land  
The Midnite Hour Is Close At Hand  
Creatures Crawl In Search Of Blood  
To Terrorize Y'awl's Neighbourhood  
And Whosoever Shall Be Found  
Without The Soul For Getting Down  
Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Hell  
And Rot Inside A Corpse's Shell  
The Foulest Stench Is In The Air  
The Funk Of Forty Thousand Years  
And Grizzy Ghouls From Every Tomb  
Are Closing In To Seal Your Doom  
And Though You Fight To Stay Alive  
Your Body Starts To Shiver  
For No Mere Mortal Can Resist  
The Evil Of The Thriller  
**Into Maniacal Laugh, In Deep Echo**

Upon realizing that again he has broken out into song and the students are staring he assigns a 6ft essay on the properties of the potion they were brewing and a 3ft essay on why Neville will never be allowed in that classroom again.  
At that it seems that the students have received a cue as they begin to sing.

**Students (Some of whom look like partridges?)**  
It's the hard-knock life for us!  
It's the hard-knock life for us!  
**Harry  
**'Steada treated,  
**Gryffindors  
**We get tricked!  
**Hermione**  
'Steada praises,  
**Gryffindors  
**We get kicked!  
**ALL  
**It's the hard-knock life!  
Got no folks to speak of, so,  
It's the hard-knock row we how!  
**Draco**  
Cotton clokes,  
**Slytherins**  
'Steada of wool!  
**Pansy  
**Empty Cauldrons  
**Slytherins**  
'Steada of full!  
**ALL**  
It's the hard-knock life!  
**Nevil**  
Don't if feel like the wind is always howl'n?  
**Ron AND Harry**  
Don't it seem like there's never any light!  
**Crabbe AND Goyle**  
Once a day, don't you wanna throw the towel in?  
**Harry AND Draco**  
It's easier than puttin' up a fight.  
**Harry**  
He only cares when your potion's lookin get creepy!  
He only cares if it grows...of if it shrinks!  
No one dries when your eyes get wet an' weepy!  
**ALL**  
From all the cryin' you would think this place's a sink!  
Ohhhh!  
Empty belly life!  
Rotten smelly life!  
Full of sorrow life!  
No tomorrow life!  
**Hermione**  
Santa Claus we never see  
**Draco**  
Santa Claus, what's that?  
Who's he?  
**ALL**  
No one cares for you a smidge  
When you look like a partridge!  
**Draco**  
(Making a whistling sound and imitating Snape)  
You'll work till this potion shines  
like the top of the Chrysler Building.  
**Gryffindors**  
Yank the whiskers from his chin  
Jab him with a safety Pin  
Make him drink a mickey finn  
I love you, Professor Snape!  
**Draco  
**(whistle) Get to work!  
(whistle) Stir them cauldrons!  
(whistle) I said get to work!  
**ALL**  
It's the hard-knock life for us  
It's the hard-knock life for us  
No one cares for you a smidge  
When you look like a partridge  
It's the hard-knock life  
It's the hard-knock life  
It's the hard-knock life!

With that Snape threw them out of the room.

* * *

It was the next day as they solemnly walked onto the Quidditch pitch. It was Gryffindors versus Slytherins…  
_And then the music started..._

It's early morning  
The sun comes out  
Last night was shaking  
And pretty loud  
My cat is purring  
And scratches my skin  
So what is wrong  
With another sin  
The bitch is hungry  
She needs to tell  
So give her inches  
And feed her well  
More days to come  
New places to go  
I've got to leave  
It's time for a show

Here I am, rock you like a hurricane  
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane

My body is burning  
It starts to shout  
Desire is coming  
It breaks out loud  
Lust is in cages  
Till storm breaks loose  
Just have to make it  
With someone I choose  
The night is calling  
I have to go  
The wolf is hungry  
He runs to show  
He's licking his lips  
He's ready to win  
On the hunt tonight  
For love at first sting

Here I am, rock you like a hurricane  
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane  
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane  
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane

_By the end everone in the stands and on the pitch are singing. Then the match begins. And somewhere in the middle it got rough… first Ginny and then Crabbe fell off their brooms and music played…_

Steve walks warily down the street,  
with the brim pulled way down low  
Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet,  
machine guns ready to go

Are you ready,  
Are you ready for this  
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat  
Out of the doorway the bullets rip  
To the sound of the beat

Another one bites the dust  
Another one bites the dust  
And another one gone, and another one gone  
Another one bites the dust  
Hey, I'm gonna get you too  
Another one bites the dust

How do you think I'm going to get along,  
without you, when you're gone  
You took me for everything that I had,  
and kicked me out on my own

Are you happy, are you satisfied  
How long can you stand the heat  
Out of the doorway the bullets rip  
To the sound of the beat

Another one bites the dust  
Another one bites the dust  
Another one bites the dust  
Another one bites the dust  
There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man  
And bring him to the ground  
You can beat him  
You can cheat him  
you can treat him bad and leave him  
When he's down  
But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you  
I'm standing on my own two feet  
Out of the doorway the bullets rip  
repeating the sound of the beat

_But even with that the match continues on… untill right in front of the snitch Harry and Draco had a confrontation._

**Draco and Slytherins  
**Buddy you're a boy make a big noise  
Playin' in the streets gonna' be a big man some day  
You got mud on yo' face  
You big disgrace  
Kickin' your can all over the place  
Singin'

We will, we will rock you  
We will, we will rock you

Buddy you're a young man hard man  
Shoutin' in the street gonna' take on the world some day  
You got blood on yo' face  
You big disgrace  
Wavin' your banner all over the place

We will, we will rock you  
Singin'  
We will, we will rock you

Buddy you're an old man poor man  
Pleadin' with your eyes gonna' make you some peace some day  
You got mud on yo' face  
You big disgrace  
Somebody better put you back into your place

We will, we will rock you  
Singin'  
We will, we will rock you  
Everybody  
We will, we will rock you  
We will, we will rock you  
Alright

_Just then Harry grabbed the Snitch and began to sing with all of the Gryffindors joining in…_

I've paid my dues  
Time after time  
I've done my sentence  
But committed no crime  
And bad mistakes  
I've made a few  
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face  
But I've come through

We are the champions - my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions - of the world

I've taken my bows  
And my curtain calls  
You brought me fame and fortune  
and everything that goes with it  
I thank you all

But it's been no bed of roses  
No pleasure cruise  
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race  
And I ain't gonna lose

Won and won and won  
We are the champions - my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions - of the world

We are the champions - my friends  
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end  
We are the champions  
We are the champions  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions………

* * *

**AN:  
This is the chapter for Procrastinater. Here is where I am pasting the ideas**

You have to do thriller by Michael Jackson. oh! oh! have snape become black by a spell, and have him sing it  
not as funny as my last idea, but the song is great. Have them sing Rock you like a HUrricane by the Scorpionsduring a...deul maybe?  
Snape gives uber amounts of homework after being caught singing thriller, and the students start singing "it's a hard life for us". Sorry, but I don't know the singer of that song  
huzzah! another idea. forget rock you like a hurricane with deuling. Have it when the quidditch teams are introduce during a quidditch match. Also have someone fall to the ground during the match, and have "another one bites the dust" play. also...at some point, have Draco sing "I'm so lonely" which I'm not even sure is a song, but it is in team America: World Police.

**Thank you Procrastinater! Notice that I named it for the inspiration!**


	8. Chapter 7 Christmas Special

**Disclaimer: The characters of Harry Potter are not mine. Nor are any of the songs or the Muppets **T.T

* * *

_Chapter 7 Harry Potter the Musical Christmas Special_

As we continue on we come to a very special time… and well... Ahem... It appears that the spell can influence this narrator as well because…

_Happy holiday  
Happy holiday  
While the merry bells keep ringing  
May your every wish come true_

_Happy holiday  
Happy holiday  
May the calendar keep bringing  
Happy holidays to you_

_It's the holiday season  
And Santa Claus is coming back  
The Christmas snow is white on the ground  
When old Santa gets into town  
He'll be coming down the chimney, down  
Coming down the chimney, down_

_It's the holiday season  
And Santa Claus has got a toy  
For every good girl and good little boy  
He's a great big bundle of joy_

_He'll be coming down the chimney, down  
Coming down the chimney, down_

_He'll have a big fat pack upon his back  
And lots of goodies for you and me  
So leave a peppermint stick for old St. nick  
Hanging on the Christmas tree_

_It's the holiday season  
With the whoop-de-do and hickory dock  
And don't forget to hang up your sock  
"cause just exactly at 12 o'clock  
He'll be coming down the chimney  
Coming down the chimney  
Coming down the chimney, down!_

Happy holiday  
Happy holiday  
While the merry bells keep bringing  
Happy holidays to you  
MERRY CHRISTMAS HOGWARTS!

* * *

_In the headmaster's office_  
Shinju bounces into the Headmasters office positively glowing with Christmas Spirit, though that may have just been the neon colored robes. She rushes over to Dumbledore and exclaims, "Dumbledore! I know the perfect way to celebrate Christmas!"  
"But it's not Christmas."  
"Does it matter?"  
"No" Says Dumbledore foolishly.  
"Then we can celebrate it now?"  
"And what would your plan for that be?" Asks Dumbledore.  
"Well do a Christmas Special!"  
"What do you mean? We don't have any Christmas music yet and Christmas is well TODAY!"  
"Just give me permission and I'll take care of it."  
"Well alright then." Says the ever lenient old man.  
"Well then let's get started!"

* * *

Meanwhile Percy Weasley has gone missing from the Gryffindor common room after coming to visit the twins. There is however a suspicious Christmas tree in the middle of the great hall. OH GOODNESS! It _is_ Percy Weasley… See there! That's his head on the angel and if you pull off the little dress you can see his neck! The rest of him appears to be the tree! Now the twins have entered into the room to begin their favorite Christmas song…

**TWINS  
**Oh Percy tree Oh Percy treeYour leaves are very Drab and Dim  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
You look a lot like him  
_(I AM PERCY)_  
We really hate to hear you sing  
After that we can't hear anything  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab  
**Harry walks in**  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
Your jokes are not the best thing  
_(huffs)_  
You think you're smart  
But you are dull  
Over simple things  
And thoughts you mull  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab  
**Hermione & Ginny Walk in**  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
We think we might make you look like crabb  
_(SHRIEKS)_  
You are the bossiest around (G)  
You're worse then me (H)  
So here's your crown  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab  
**Ron walks in**  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
I think they'll put you in the lab  
_(NOOOOOOOOO)_  
You aren't nice to your own family  
That's why you're now  
A Christmas Tree  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab  
**Malfoy walks in**  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
I really don't like seeing you in DRAG  
_(IT'S NOT MY FAULT!)_  
You are the real Weasel here  
I hear you have pink and lacy underwear  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
I think that means you're gay now  
**ALL**  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree  
Your leaves are very Dim and Drab  
Oh Percy tree Oh Percy tree (drawn out, Pause and then very fast)  
YOU ARE THE WORSTEST CHRISTMAS THING!!!!

"Ahhhh the joys of Christmas for the family have been shown to us in a very moving way." Said Dumbledore being senile and not noticing that the tree that was formerly a boy is a member of the Weasley family.  
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" He joyfully cries out to the world, but he was soon silenced as Shinju and Kiritsu appeared in the hall to perform a small Christmas skit... Meaning part of a Muppets Christmas Carol (Modified for their purposes of course)

"Chocolate! Get Your Chocolates here! Knut a piece while they last!" shouts Shinju.  
Kiritsu, the main narrator, glares at her companion who has started to eat some of the chocolate, "They won't last long the way you're eating them!"  
Shinju just smiles over at Kiritsu, "I'm creating scarcity! It will drive the prices up!"  
"Shinju…" Says an exasperated Kiritsu.  
"Hey! I can see the audience from here!"  
"What!? Uhhhh erm… I mean…Hello! Welcome to the Hogwarts Christmas Carol. I am here to tell the story."  
"And I'm just here for the candy."  
"My name is Charles Dickens."  
"Wait a minute! You're not Charles Dickens!"  
"I am too!"  
"Then who am I Merlin?"  
"No you're just Shinju"  
"Then why are you Dickens."  
"Because I just AM!"  
"You are not! Who ever heard of a female Charles Dickens who hangs out with a witch?!"  
"Everyone who read the scrip and the playbill."  
"But, but, Charles Dickens was a 19th centaury novelist! A Genius!"  
"Why thank you."  
"Why should I believe you?"  
"Because I know the story of a Christmas Carol like I know the twins."  
"Prove it."  
"Well that one is Fred **_not_** George, and-"  
"NO!! Don't tell us about the twins!! Tell us the story MORON!"  
"Geeze well fine then," Kiritsu takes a deep breath, "The Deatheaters were dead to begin with."  
"What?"  
"That's how the story begins Shinju! The Deatheaters were dead to begin with."  
"Oh, ok."  
"As dead as a doornail."  
"That's a good beginning. It's creepy and kind of spooky." Says Shinju shaking.  
"Thank you."  
"You're welcome Madame Dickens."  
"In life the Deatheaters had been associated with a shrewd potions Master called Severus Snape. You will meet him as he comes around that corner."  
"That one?"  
"Yes."  
"When?"  
"Now…. There he is Professor Severus Snape."  
"Umm Kiritsu, I mean Madame Dickens, is it getting colder in here?"  
"Yes Shinju, I think it is."  
_Students suddenly fill the great hall and break into song._  
When a cold wind blows it chills you  
Chills you to the bone  
But there's nothing in Hogwarts that freezes your heart  
Like years in the dungeons alone  
You stare at his indifference  
Yeah it really makes you gape  
'Cause the worst of the worse  
The most hated and cursed  
Is the one: Professor Snape  
Yeah

Unkind to Harry  
And the wrath of many  
This just is Severus Snape

Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug  
There goes Mr. Grim  
If they gave a prize for being mean  
The winner would be him

Oh Snape, he loves his potions  
'Cause they give him super powers  
Oh if he was one of us  
You can bet he would be skele-grow  
_Dreamless sleep, Polyjuice, I thought you loved me!_

There goes Mr. Skinflint  
There goes Mr. Greed  
In Hogwarts he's the master of the Slytherin's and their green  
He takes points off of houses for small errors in his classes  
Oh Neville lives in misery  
And look at Harry's glasses  
Please sir, I want some points!

_Gryffindor Girls:  
He must be so loyal  
He must be so neat  
He's Voldemort's spy and he's really discrete  
Oh he's just a present from Satan below  
Oh which one of us will get to be his---_ _girls break Imperious Curse and shriek  
Draco-Damn snaps fingers_

There goes Mr. Outrage  
With his patented sneer  
He has no time for friends or fun  
His anger makes that clear  
Don't ask him for a favor 'cause his nastiness increases  
No extra points for those in need  
No pointses for us helpless

_Madame Dickens then narrates, "Scrooge liked the cold. He was hard and sharp as a flint; secret and self contained; as solitary as an oyster._

There's goes Mr. Heartless  
There goes Mr. Cruel  
He never gives to Gryffindors  
The Slytherins think he rules

Oh being means his way of life  
He's very well rehearsed  
And all his work is paying off  
'Cause he keeps getting worse  
Yeah, every day, in every way  
Snape is getting worse!

Snape suddenly turns around, robes swirling around him, and the students dispel"Humbug." Says Snape, fleeing to his classroom.  
Shinju finally says, "Geeze. What an unpleasant professor."  
Madame Dickens nods saying, "He was a tight fisted hand to the grindstone Snape. Boy he has a really dirty Classroom."  
"You're telling me." Shinju says raising her eyebrows and looking pointedly at a certain Gryffindor Golden boy.  
"I DIDN'T MEAN DIRTY THAT WAY."  
"I didn't say anything"  
Madame Dickens cleans a window that now magically shows Snape's room. Then she says, "He was a tight fisted hand to the grindstone Snape; a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, clutching, covetous old sinner."  
"Arthur Weasley." Snaps Snape looking at his new teacher's assistant with disgust.  
"Yes Sir?"  
"Who is this?"  
"It's Mr. Longbottom, sir. He's come to speak to you about his accident."  
"Please Professor Snape; I know you're really angry about this. I didn't mean to melt the cauldron again. It being Christmas and all… Just don't scream at me and…" Neville said looking as if he were about to cry.  
"Detention Mr. Longbottom." Said Snape who then threw Neville out of the room.  
"Thank you for not shouting at me!" Neville said with tears in his eyes.  
"Let us Deal with the detention notices for tomorrow Mr. Weasley"  
"Um, but tomorrow's Christmas sir?"  
"Very well you may decorate them." Snape said with a sneer. Knowing Arthur can't get out of work if he insists because he needs the money for Christmas.  
"There are certainly a lot today!" Arthur exclaimed.  
"Christmas is a very busy time for me Mr. Weasley. House Elves preparing feasts, purebloods throwing parties. Spending homework time of frivolities leading to an increase in explosions! One might say that December is the Detention Season. Harvest time for the Professors."  
The Gryffindors who are writing out the detention slips for Snape and goad Arthur into asking Snape for a favor.  
"If you please Snape it's gotten colder and the Detention-writing staff would like another shovelful of coal sir."  
Forge "We can't do the Slips!"  
Gred "Yeah our quills are icicles."  
Shamus "Our assets are frozen!"  
"How would the Gryffindors like to find them suddenly unemployed!" Snape shouted while grinning inwardly at the fact that they had to rely on him for extra cash.  
"No no thank you" Gred or Forge said quickly.  
"I think you've convinced them once again Professor Snape." Said Arthur ending the performance that moment as he was hit by a bout of laughter.

Shinju just sighed… "I guess it's time to move onto another form of entertainment… Oh Hermione! Ron!"  
Hermione sighed… "Do I really have to do this?"  
At a stubborn look from Shinju she gave up and began her song singing to Professor Snape who has suddenly found himself the victim again as he is tied to a chair in the great hall which is stuck to the floor and his wand has been taken.  
Anybody can change Snape and so can you  
When you're ready to start  
There's room in your heart for love, love, love, love  
Anybody can grow Snape  
And you can too  
When you're doin' your part  
There's room in your heart for love

If you want to live  
Give freely  
And you will find  
That what you get in trade Professor is  
Peace of mind!

If you're ready to turn to the light side  
Then open up your heart  
Well open up your pocketbook  
It's perfect place to start  
Ron!

Do do doom do do doom doom  
What you're missing is fun Snape  
It's sad, but true  
Walk away from this gloom  
There's room in your heart for love, love, love, love

Doom _EXACTLY Ron!_ Doom doom do do doom do do Doom doom doom

When you're doing your best  
You're suddenly blessed with love  
If you want to live  
Give freely  
And you will find  
That what you get in trade Professor is  
Peace of mind!

If you're ready to turn to the light side  
Then open up your heart  
Well open up your pocketbook  
It's perfect place to start

Do do doom do do doom doom  
START DANCING RON!

Anybody can change Snape and so can you  
When you're ready to start  
There's room in your heart for  
Love, love, love  
When you're ready to start  
There's room in your heart for  
DO DO DO  
When you're ready to start  
There's room in your heart for love!

Snape at the end of the song was green and was glad when he was freed just enough so that he could empty his stomach into the mysterious trashcan that had appeared.

_Unfortunately Snape's Ritualistic Christmas themed torture was to continue… _

That night Lucius and Bella Astral projected themselves into his room and woke him to sing their little song…  
_It is required of every wizard that the spirit within him should walk abroad his fellow wizards and muggles.(Lucius)  
_And if that spirit goes not forth in life, he is condemned to do so after death(Bella)  
_To witness what he can not share but might have shared and turned to happiness. _

**_We're Lucius and Bella(Both)  
Avarice and Greed  
_**_We took advantage of the muggles  
And just ignored the needy  
**We specialized in causing pain  
Spreading fear and doubt  
**_And if you were not for our cause  
Well we simply AKed you!  
Laughter

There was the year we AKed the entire orphanage.  
_I remember the little tykes all lying in the snow bank  
_With their little frostbitten teddy bears  
Laughter

**_We're Lucius and Bella  
Our hearts were painted black  
_**_We should have known our evil deeds  
Would put us both in shackles  
**Captive, bound, we're double ironed  
Exhausted by the weight  
**As freedom comes from giving love  
_Oh Azkaban comes with hate!

**_We're Lucius and Bella  
We're Lucius and Bella  
_**True, there was something about muggles we loved  
_I think it was their screaming!  
_Laughter

**_Doomed Snape  
You're doomed for all time  
_**Your future is a horror story  
Written by your crime  
**_Your chains are forged  
By what you say and do  
_****Backup ghosts  
**So have your fun  
When life is done  
A nightmare waits for you

Funny_Funny_

**_We're Lucius and Bella  
We're Lucius and Bella  
We're Lucius and Bella  
And now it's time to part  
_**To go back where they keep our kind  
_The wretched and the heartless  
_The news we've shared  
Has got you scared  
_We're glad that we got through  
_So make amends  
_And make some friends  
**The future's up to you! **_

**_We're Lucius and Bella  
We're Lucius and Bella  
We're Lucius and Bella  
CHANGE!..._**

_Or not…  
_Yeah doesn't actually matter much to us…

* * *

This is TBC but it's not like I'm doing it on purpose  
Part two has to be finished and I wanted to be kind and give you an update because I finally got inspired... to ... finish... this... one...  
And besides! You wouldn't want to miss Christmas at Azkaban would you?  
Might just turn into Songs of Azkaban though… I will be having an original song there so I know you won't know the song, but the lyrics are pretty funny in my opinion.  
We can even include the Floating Pineapples! (If you want the picture this is a reference to e-mail 


End file.
